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dog_and_wolf Title: Of Fairytales and Idiots
Fandom: Harry Potter Book Series
Pairing: Sirius/Remus
~~o~~
There is a silence that has descended in the room, only three boys remain awake, occupied with their own doings and thoughts. The cool breeze from the opened window is quite comforting.
Sirius feels that it's too silent and he can't stand it. Then a thought passes, almost an epiphany of some sorts. And he wants to voice this out. "The Beast," he says and pauses in suspense, two pairs of eyes in the dark now settle on him in curiosity. "I think he never turned into a prince."
James looks at him with a straight face, a moment of five seconds pass, and he promptly throws a pillow at Sirius. "That's stupid." James says, he's never the one to keep his thoughts to himself.
Sirius may be crude, a little bit annoying, a nuisance, a bit on the perverse side, but he is not stupid. He tackles James, and there's a bit of a scuffle, but it's all in good nature. Remus' lips are pursed into a thin line, but amusement glows in his amber eyes, there's a bit of silent laughter that radiated from him.
After all is over, Sirius and James settle into their positions earlier. James sits on the floor, in front of the bed where Remus is sitting. Remus has a book propped up on his lap, his legs tucked up under him. Sirius is sitting in front of James, on the floor as well.
Sirius grabs the pillow James threw at him, and is thinking of whether or not to throw it at James. But then decides against it, James is sitting near Remus and if James ducks and he hits Remus, he doesn't want to be in a werewolf's bad books. Sirius settles the pillow across his lap and places his elbow on it as his hand cradles his chin.
"But seriously," Sirius says, there's humour in his tone and he's joking, really. But James can also notice there's something else, there's a serious tone laced in, as if there's something darker, something just so morbidly true. "He never turned into a prince. Beasts can't become princes just like that."
James laughs at Sirius, he doesn't know why, but James just has to laugh. "So the ending in the books are wrong then?"
"Yeah," replies Sirius, "it's just made up by some guy who wants everyone to think that everything ends up happily ever after. That everything is peaches and cream in this world, when in fact it isn't."
"Really?" James looks behind him to see that Remus has raised his head up from reading his book and has locked eyes with Sirius. There's amusement in his tone. Scary amusement. James doesn't like it one bit. "Why do you think that?"
James looks back and forth between them. Gray eyes locked with amber gold. James looks at Sirius, and there's just something in his stormy gray eyes. He looks uneasy, but there's also something else in them. James can see that there's this suppressed anger in his eyes, and it's raging and dangerous and furious. It unsettles James because he knows that Sirius is never the one to keep his emotions and feelings cooped up inside like him like that. Maybe there is something else, James thinks, because the only moments Sirius does that is when he's sad and he wants to cry.
But Sirius then laughs and it catches both Remus and James off guard. His laugh's too strained and too forced and too fake, and it's almost painful to hear it. "Beasts just don't become… not-beasts. It's too simple like that."
James moves from sitting in the middle of their conversation because he feels like he's intruding on something personal. He moves to the side to observe the words they throw at each other.
Remus drops his gaze and looks at his side, as James isn't there to shield his real emotions anymore. He's gripping his book too tightly, James notices, and his knuckles turn a pasty colour white. Remus notices his glance from the corners of his eyes and his hands consciously relax. "It's not like he had a choice…" Remus says quietly. "He didn't want to be a w- a beast."
James isn't stupid enough not to notice that slip up. Remus thinks he's a beast, and it's not true because Remus is still Remus. He's still the kind-hearted, intelligent, caring person he is. He just has a furry little problem for a few hours of one night in a month.
Sirius then leans back and stretches his legs out in front of him. Sirius looks up while he's leaning back on his elbows. "That's the part I don't get." Sirius says with much conviction and his head lulls a bit to the side. "It wasn't his choice. Some hag or what turned him into what he is because he was being truthful. He was being honest, and he became an outcast because of that."
James knows there's a hidden meaning to that. He wonders if it's hard for the both of them to have a conversation with their eyes avoiding each other like that. James has been silent for the long while, listening, watching, observing the events unfolding before him.
It's always like this, he thinks, when Sirius and Remus delve into their own self-pity and talk to each other like this. They don't notice anyone else around them, but they don't want to pay attention to the each other as well. No, not paying attention, but they want to avoid each other's gaze, an unbidden guilt that hangs in the air.
"But then, Sirius," Remus says when he thinks the expanse of silence has become unbearable. "How come he shouldn't have, or rather why he didn't turn into a prince?" Remus looks at Sirius' figure, and then Sirius locks his eyes with Remus once more.
"Because it's wrong and it just isn't right." The way Sirius says it is like he's done talking and he won't continue anymore, but then he plunges on carelessly, "Beauty didn't really love him then. If she only cared about his appearance."
"Why?" Remus asks, and there's pain in his eyes that James could never understand.
Maybe that's why he has these conversations with Sirius in the first place. Because somehow, by their own right, the were both outcasts, judged by what people perceive rather than who they really are. Maybe with that thought, they can both understand each other, if only a little at least.
Remus places his book beside him, all walls down to face Sirius head on. A confrontation. "It's better that he becomes a prince rather than stay a beast. It's better for him and Beauty."
"Then she never really loved the beast," says Sirius, "If it was a prince she wanted."
"It wasn't just as easy as that." Remus persists, "It wasn't easy being a beast. He just wanted to be a prince again, he wanted to be accepted."
James knows that Remus is thinking he's the beast.
"So he only wanted her to break the curse? He never really loved her?" There's this emotion in Sirius' voice. It's the same emotion in Remus' eyes.
James discreetly looks between the two of them. He stays quiet; he doesn't mind that they don't notice him. He knows they both need to get this out, and sometimes, it's better to watch anyway.
"But he did. He loved her, he loved her so much, so he wanted to become a prince again for her." There's so much emotion in that sentence. It's as if Remus is trying to get this message across.
"But then he let her go," Sirius is just as insistent as Remus.
"He let her go so that she wouldn't have to be with a beast anymore." Remus' eyes were shining brightly as the moonlight filters through the windows and the lamplight illuminates his face. But it's wrong that his eyes are shining brightly. He looks like he might cry.
"No, no he didn't." Sirius says purposely, intently, and a bit sternly, too. "He let her go, he kept his distance, because he thought she wouldn't love him if he were to remain a beast. He thought she'd rather love a prince."
They stay quiet, their gazes still locked with each other, and never wavering. There's this tension in the room, it's foreboding haze settles between the two of them. James thinks it's time for him to speak up.
"You know what I think?" James says, and he's not surprised at all that the two looked a bit surprised. They seem to forget he's there with them, too. "Beauty returned to the Beast, and she didn't look for a prince. She wanted to find the Beast."
They look at him a bit ashamedly, as if he saw something embarrassing that happened. James' a bit aggravated now that they think they need to feel like that.
"She loved him. Even if he was a beast." James looks at the two of them sternly, both looking at them in the eyes.
Sirius stands up a bit shakily and he turns his back to them and leaves the room. The door closes with a silent bang. But it still rings in James' ears. He knows he's the only one who can hear it; it's saying that the discussion is over with, done with. And that Sirius doesn't know whether or not to believe James.
There's a silent ticking and tocking from a clock somewhere around the room. James doesn't move from his position and Remus resumes his reading by the lamplight. Remus hasn't turned the page for almost ten minutes now as he stares intently at the book, but his gaze is somewhere else, as if he's not really looking at the book in front of him.
After a few more minutes pass and Remus finally stands up, his hands shaking a bit and clenches and unclenches them as he heads to the common room. James follows, he grabs his invisibility cloak, because he's worried about them and he's too curious for his own good.
The fireplace has a fire crackling a bit, there's always a fire on cold nights like this. The warm tongues of fire are licking at the still unburned wood. Sirius is sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace and he's looking into the fire as if it holds answers.
"Sirius," Remus' tone is light and soft and caring, "you were serious about what you said weren't you?"
Remus sits down beside Sirius and their shoulders and knees bump a little. James stays in the shadows even though he's wearing his invisibility cloak. Sirius stays quiet but he stretches his arm nearest Remus and rests it behind Remus. He leans in a bit more on Sirius and rests his head on Sirius' shoulder.
"I think… You were referring to yourself as the Beast weren't you?" Says Remus in a soft but accusatory tone. A smile was on his face, soft and kind.
"Why does it matter?" Sirius says, and then he wraps his arm around Remus' shoulder, a one-armed hug. James can see a look of contentment pass on both their faces.
It only passes, then their masks are back on. Their masks that show everyone Sirius is always happy when in fact he has his troubles, too, their masks that show that they shouldn't worry about Remus even though he does look sick.
Remus wraps his arms around Sirius' waist and he buries his head in Sirius' shoulder and he smells spices and vanilla and wet dog and Remus is happy. "I was being an idiot thinking that you were referring to me as the Beast, wasn't I?"
"Yeah… a bit." Sirius says. Remus' raises his head from resting on Sirius' shoulder and slaps him on the shoulder playfully. Sirius grabs Remus on the side of his head gently and rests Remus' head on his shoulder once more. "But I'm an idiot as well." There's a pause and James thinks that's that, but Sirius speaks once more. "We're idiots together, then?" Sirius asks, a bit unsure.
Remus closes his eyes and inhales deeply, and he holds his breath as if listening for Sirius to breathe, too. "I think so." Remus says, and it sounds very much like a promise in both James' and Sirius' ears.
James leaves them as they both look into the fire, wrapped up in their cocoon of contentment and promises. As James walks up the stairs to sleep, a happy smile is on his face, content and all.
James doesn't think they're all idiots together. He knows they're all idiots, together.
Finite.
Fandom: Harry Potter Book Series
Pairing: Sirius/Remus
~~o~~
There is a silence that has descended in the room, only three boys remain awake, occupied with their own doings and thoughts. The cool breeze from the opened window is quite comforting.
Sirius feels that it's too silent and he can't stand it. Then a thought passes, almost an epiphany of some sorts. And he wants to voice this out. "The Beast," he says and pauses in suspense, two pairs of eyes in the dark now settle on him in curiosity. "I think he never turned into a prince."
James looks at him with a straight face, a moment of five seconds pass, and he promptly throws a pillow at Sirius. "That's stupid." James says, he's never the one to keep his thoughts to himself.
Sirius may be crude, a little bit annoying, a nuisance, a bit on the perverse side, but he is not stupid. He tackles James, and there's a bit of a scuffle, but it's all in good nature. Remus' lips are pursed into a thin line, but amusement glows in his amber eyes, there's a bit of silent laughter that radiated from him.
After all is over, Sirius and James settle into their positions earlier. James sits on the floor, in front of the bed where Remus is sitting. Remus has a book propped up on his lap, his legs tucked up under him. Sirius is sitting in front of James, on the floor as well.
Sirius grabs the pillow James threw at him, and is thinking of whether or not to throw it at James. But then decides against it, James is sitting near Remus and if James ducks and he hits Remus, he doesn't want to be in a werewolf's bad books. Sirius settles the pillow across his lap and places his elbow on it as his hand cradles his chin.
"But seriously," Sirius says, there's humour in his tone and he's joking, really. But James can also notice there's something else, there's a serious tone laced in, as if there's something darker, something just so morbidly true. "He never turned into a prince. Beasts can't become princes just like that."
James laughs at Sirius, he doesn't know why, but James just has to laugh. "So the ending in the books are wrong then?"
"Yeah," replies Sirius, "it's just made up by some guy who wants everyone to think that everything ends up happily ever after. That everything is peaches and cream in this world, when in fact it isn't."
"Really?" James looks behind him to see that Remus has raised his head up from reading his book and has locked eyes with Sirius. There's amusement in his tone. Scary amusement. James doesn't like it one bit. "Why do you think that?"
James looks back and forth between them. Gray eyes locked with amber gold. James looks at Sirius, and there's just something in his stormy gray eyes. He looks uneasy, but there's also something else in them. James can see that there's this suppressed anger in his eyes, and it's raging and dangerous and furious. It unsettles James because he knows that Sirius is never the one to keep his emotions and feelings cooped up inside like him like that. Maybe there is something else, James thinks, because the only moments Sirius does that is when he's sad and he wants to cry.
But Sirius then laughs and it catches both Remus and James off guard. His laugh's too strained and too forced and too fake, and it's almost painful to hear it. "Beasts just don't become… not-beasts. It's too simple like that."
James moves from sitting in the middle of their conversation because he feels like he's intruding on something personal. He moves to the side to observe the words they throw at each other.
Remus drops his gaze and looks at his side, as James isn't there to shield his real emotions anymore. He's gripping his book too tightly, James notices, and his knuckles turn a pasty colour white. Remus notices his glance from the corners of his eyes and his hands consciously relax. "It's not like he had a choice…" Remus says quietly. "He didn't want to be a w- a beast."
James isn't stupid enough not to notice that slip up. Remus thinks he's a beast, and it's not true because Remus is still Remus. He's still the kind-hearted, intelligent, caring person he is. He just has a furry little problem for a few hours of one night in a month.
Sirius then leans back and stretches his legs out in front of him. Sirius looks up while he's leaning back on his elbows. "That's the part I don't get." Sirius says with much conviction and his head lulls a bit to the side. "It wasn't his choice. Some hag or what turned him into what he is because he was being truthful. He was being honest, and he became an outcast because of that."
James knows there's a hidden meaning to that. He wonders if it's hard for the both of them to have a conversation with their eyes avoiding each other like that. James has been silent for the long while, listening, watching, observing the events unfolding before him.
It's always like this, he thinks, when Sirius and Remus delve into their own self-pity and talk to each other like this. They don't notice anyone else around them, but they don't want to pay attention to the each other as well. No, not paying attention, but they want to avoid each other's gaze, an unbidden guilt that hangs in the air.
"But then, Sirius," Remus says when he thinks the expanse of silence has become unbearable. "How come he shouldn't have, or rather why he didn't turn into a prince?" Remus looks at Sirius' figure, and then Sirius locks his eyes with Remus once more.
"Because it's wrong and it just isn't right." The way Sirius says it is like he's done talking and he won't continue anymore, but then he plunges on carelessly, "Beauty didn't really love him then. If she only cared about his appearance."
"Why?" Remus asks, and there's pain in his eyes that James could never understand.
Maybe that's why he has these conversations with Sirius in the first place. Because somehow, by their own right, the were both outcasts, judged by what people perceive rather than who they really are. Maybe with that thought, they can both understand each other, if only a little at least.
Remus places his book beside him, all walls down to face Sirius head on. A confrontation. "It's better that he becomes a prince rather than stay a beast. It's better for him and Beauty."
"Then she never really loved the beast," says Sirius, "If it was a prince she wanted."
"It wasn't just as easy as that." Remus persists, "It wasn't easy being a beast. He just wanted to be a prince again, he wanted to be accepted."
James knows that Remus is thinking he's the beast.
"So he only wanted her to break the curse? He never really loved her?" There's this emotion in Sirius' voice. It's the same emotion in Remus' eyes.
James discreetly looks between the two of them. He stays quiet; he doesn't mind that they don't notice him. He knows they both need to get this out, and sometimes, it's better to watch anyway.
"But he did. He loved her, he loved her so much, so he wanted to become a prince again for her." There's so much emotion in that sentence. It's as if Remus is trying to get this message across.
"But then he let her go," Sirius is just as insistent as Remus.
"He let her go so that she wouldn't have to be with a beast anymore." Remus' eyes were shining brightly as the moonlight filters through the windows and the lamplight illuminates his face. But it's wrong that his eyes are shining brightly. He looks like he might cry.
"No, no he didn't." Sirius says purposely, intently, and a bit sternly, too. "He let her go, he kept his distance, because he thought she wouldn't love him if he were to remain a beast. He thought she'd rather love a prince."
They stay quiet, their gazes still locked with each other, and never wavering. There's this tension in the room, it's foreboding haze settles between the two of them. James thinks it's time for him to speak up.
"You know what I think?" James says, and he's not surprised at all that the two looked a bit surprised. They seem to forget he's there with them, too. "Beauty returned to the Beast, and she didn't look for a prince. She wanted to find the Beast."
They look at him a bit ashamedly, as if he saw something embarrassing that happened. James' a bit aggravated now that they think they need to feel like that.
"She loved him. Even if he was a beast." James looks at the two of them sternly, both looking at them in the eyes.
Sirius stands up a bit shakily and he turns his back to them and leaves the room. The door closes with a silent bang. But it still rings in James' ears. He knows he's the only one who can hear it; it's saying that the discussion is over with, done with. And that Sirius doesn't know whether or not to believe James.
There's a silent ticking and tocking from a clock somewhere around the room. James doesn't move from his position and Remus resumes his reading by the lamplight. Remus hasn't turned the page for almost ten minutes now as he stares intently at the book, but his gaze is somewhere else, as if he's not really looking at the book in front of him.
After a few more minutes pass and Remus finally stands up, his hands shaking a bit and clenches and unclenches them as he heads to the common room. James follows, he grabs his invisibility cloak, because he's worried about them and he's too curious for his own good.
The fireplace has a fire crackling a bit, there's always a fire on cold nights like this. The warm tongues of fire are licking at the still unburned wood. Sirius is sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace and he's looking into the fire as if it holds answers.
"Sirius," Remus' tone is light and soft and caring, "you were serious about what you said weren't you?"
Remus sits down beside Sirius and their shoulders and knees bump a little. James stays in the shadows even though he's wearing his invisibility cloak. Sirius stays quiet but he stretches his arm nearest Remus and rests it behind Remus. He leans in a bit more on Sirius and rests his head on Sirius' shoulder.
"I think… You were referring to yourself as the Beast weren't you?" Says Remus in a soft but accusatory tone. A smile was on his face, soft and kind.
"Why does it matter?" Sirius says, and then he wraps his arm around Remus' shoulder, a one-armed hug. James can see a look of contentment pass on both their faces.
It only passes, then their masks are back on. Their masks that show everyone Sirius is always happy when in fact he has his troubles, too, their masks that show that they shouldn't worry about Remus even though he does look sick.
Remus wraps his arms around Sirius' waist and he buries his head in Sirius' shoulder and he smells spices and vanilla and wet dog and Remus is happy. "I was being an idiot thinking that you were referring to me as the Beast, wasn't I?"
"Yeah… a bit." Sirius says. Remus' raises his head from resting on Sirius' shoulder and slaps him on the shoulder playfully. Sirius grabs Remus on the side of his head gently and rests Remus' head on his shoulder once more. "But I'm an idiot as well." There's a pause and James thinks that's that, but Sirius speaks once more. "We're idiots together, then?" Sirius asks, a bit unsure.
Remus closes his eyes and inhales deeply, and he holds his breath as if listening for Sirius to breathe, too. "I think so." Remus says, and it sounds very much like a promise in both James' and Sirius' ears.
James leaves them as they both look into the fire, wrapped up in their cocoon of contentment and promises. As James walks up the stairs to sleep, a happy smile is on his face, content and all.
James doesn't think they're all idiots together. He knows they're all idiots, together.
Finite.